A series of ‘fictional letters’  by India Nash won the secondary writing competition

3rd November 1932

Lot 7 Scarrabelottis Rd,

Nashua

Dear Mrs Trimble,

Following last week’s Nashua cricket game, I feel that I must bring up a rather delicate matter with you.

As you and I are both aware, my husband, Robbie, delivered two of my infamous light-‘n’-fluffy-double-layer-sponge-cakes-with-sugared-passionfruit-and-fresh-cream to your doorstep on the afternoon prior. I would like to emphasise that I personally ensured that my contribution to the day was delivered early, as you requested, simply to avoid any extra exertion on your part.

Considering the effort which I made to prepare these sponges earlier than necessary, I believe that it is more than fair to write this letter to you, to inquire as to what became of the second of my sponge cakes.

While you were once again reprimanding one of your uncontrollable children, I happened to be laying out the cakes. I was, however, shocked when I discovered the second of the tins which had contained my light-‘n’-fluffy-double-layer-sponge-cakes-with-sugared-passionfruit-and-fresh-cream. This tin was empty except for a smear of cream and a few moist crumbs.

Unfortunately for you, it is not only me who is so appalled by this series of events, Mrs. Taylor, Mrs. Cook and Miss. Cook have all advised me to compose this letter to you and agree that it puts you in a very compromising position.

I do not wish to lay any blame nor make any enemies through this letter. I have written to you only because you are, after all, the only person who has laid hands on it since my husband delivered it to you.

Your friend,

Mrs. Savins.

4th November 1932

Lot 2 Booyong Rd,

Nashua

Dear Mrs. Savins,

How is your husband? He looked rather unwell when he delivered not two, but one, of your excessive sponges. Please do not think that I am jumping to any conclusions; I simply wish to inform you of your mistake in stating that you personally ensured that the two cakes were delivered to me.

If you try to be more realistic about the matter, you personally ensured nothing except that the cakes made it to Mr. Trimble’s cart.

I think it very unfair to bring Mrs. Taylor, Mrs. Cook and Miss. Cook into this matter. If you intend to sabotage your own reputation with your inaccurate claims, that is your choice, but it is highly unnecessary to drag other, perfectly reputable women down with you. Anyways, I spoke to the Cooks only this morning and straightened out the half-truths with which you had been leading them astray. They, Mrs. James and Mrs. Flower now fully agree with me.

As for my “uncontrollable” children, at that time I happened to be tending to my youngest son, as your eldest had pushed him into a fresh cowpat!

Please discuss this matter with Robbie before disgracing yourself further.

Your neighbour,

Mrs. Trimble

6th November 1932

Lot 7 Scarrabelottis Rd,

Nashua

Dear Mrs Trimble,

How dare you even suggest that my husband would be greedy and deceitful enough as to eat one of my light-‘n’-fluffy-double-layer-sponge-cakes-with-sugared-passionfruit-and-fresh-cream en route to your house?

After your last insulting letter, I did in fact bring up the matter with my husband and it has uncovered a rather adverse new piece of information. Although it will, I’m sure, shock you, I feel that it is something that you should know. So here it is, the real story:

My Robbie set off with two of my cakes on the afternoon before the Cricket Match. As he came through the gate to your property, he happened upon your Charlie and Mr. Johnson, who were fixing the fences. When Robbie called out hello to them, Charlie politely asked why he was calling. Robbie replied that he was bringing my two passionfruit sponges, at which they became remarkably more interested. They then slyly enquired as to whether it was absolutely necessary for both to arrive.

Unaware of what your husband had in mind, he replied that although my light-‘n’-fluffy-double-layer-sponge-cakes-with-sugared-passionfruit-and-fresh-cream would undoubtedly be the most popular cake available, there was sure to be enough food to go around. That, it seems, was enough grounds for them to take the second cake, urging Robbie to go on with the other.

When he came past on his way back down from your house all that remained of Charlie, Mr. Johnson and the stolen cake was the empty tin, lying in the dirt. On the day of the match, my husband, not wanting to cause me any distress, placed the empty tin with the rest of the cakes and slices being laid out.

Please explain to your husband how much trouble he has caused through this rude and unthoughtful act.

Yours,

Mrs. Savins

7th November 1932

Lot 2 Booyong Rd,

Nashua

Dear Mrs. Savins,

I simply cannot see how you are so sure that you have the real story. I have not been as foolish as you were and instead, I have asked several people for their version of the story.

It seems to me that your perfect Robbie has carefully excluded certain parts of the story-for example, the part where he helps to eat your cake. However, it is not just this, have you not considered the possibility that perhaps he hid the cake to hide the fact that he had eaten it himself?

Taking into account that both my husband and yours were the cause of the disappearance, I think that it is best if we forget the matter entirely and agree not to discuss it anymore. Please, forgive and forget.

Yours,

Mrs. Trimble.

6th November 1932

Lot 7 Scarrabelottis Rd,

Nashua

Dear Mrs Trimble,

Forgive and forget what?

Your dear friend,

Mrs. Savins.